maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
