I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
