the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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