If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
