Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
