That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
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Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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