a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Randomize
