Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My vagina is very pro this idea
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
