im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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