Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
that's an acceptable place to lick
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
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We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
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