You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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