Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
