I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
