I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
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I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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