i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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