Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
