whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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