I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
