Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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