someone owes me an orgasm
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize