He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
