You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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