pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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