This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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