so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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