I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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