if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
