dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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