Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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