Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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