apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my shit smells like andre
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
