Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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