She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
