You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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