Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
