The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
