He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You can't motorboat a personality
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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