I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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