I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
