I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
