I must be too annoying 4 u.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
