How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
