how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
