apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
