hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
