you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
God I need to hump something, right now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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