Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
