I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
