Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
