I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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