I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
