I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
