the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
