I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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