We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
