"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
