OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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