I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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