i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
