So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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