so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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