Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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