u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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