The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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