I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
