can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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